What kind of care would I want my parent to have… if money were not an object?

“What kind of care would I want my parent to have… if money were not an object?”

A client asked herself this recently, and the question has stayed with me.

She is caring for an elderly parent with dementia.

Her parent is still mobile enough to move around independently, but no longer able to fully appreciate the risks around her. She may wander, get herself into difficult situations, or fall.

So someone has to be with her almost all the time.

And that creates a challenge that goes far beyond money.

Who watches over her?

Can a family member realistically do it every day?

Should they hire a caregiver?

Would a nursing home provide better care, or would she be happier at home?

How much independence should she still have, even if that independence comes with risk?

There are no easy answers.

But what struck me most was that my client was having to make these decisions on behalf of someone who could no longer clearly tell her what she wanted.

It made me wonder whether we sometimes ask the wrong question when thinking about ageing.

We spend a lot of time asking:

“Will I have enough money for retirement?”

Perhaps there is another conversation that is just as important:

• “If one day I can no longer make decisions for myself, how would I want to be cared for?”
• Would you want to remain at home for as long as possible?
• Would you be comfortable having a live-in caregiver?
• At what point would you prefer professional residential care?
• How much would you be willing to spend for greater comfort, dignity or independence?
• And perhaps most importantly — do your children actually know your answers?

These can feel like uncomfortable conversations to have while our parents are still healthy and of sound mind.

But that may actually be the best time to have them.

Because when the crisis eventually arrives, the family may already be exhausted, emotional and trying to make difficult decisions quickly.

Planning for ageing is not only about accumulating enough money.

It is also about giving the people we love some clarity on how we would want that money to be used.

Maybe a conversation today can spare our family from having to guess tomorrow.

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