Author makes some interesting arguments for not combining her finances with her fiance that I believe is an interesting topic to discuss especially in today’s environment.
The article can be found here: 4 reasons my fiancé and I won’t be combining our finances after marriage
Personally, I believe that decisions like these hinges largely on one’s perspectives and views of marriage and what exactly it means to be a wedded couple. For me, marriage is a fusing of two people to become as one, and while each person in a marriage can pursue different things, but at the core, they are one body and whatever goals, ambitions, dreams of one person will directly impact the other.
Here are my views on each of the arguments made by the author:
1. We have different savings goals
From the sound of what she describes, I feel that this is just a path to more troubles in the future. As a couple, if you do not have some common point of objectives in finances, how are you going to be able to plan your future and lives together? If one side wants to buy a property and is saving towards that, and the other does not bother with saving, isn’t that a recipe of disaster?
2. We want to pay our own bills
Logistically, we do that in our family too. But that doesn’t mean you cannot combine all your finances together. My wife and I combines everything, but we have our separate current accounts for logistical purposes. But if the reason for ‘paying our own bills’ is another word for saying, you are responsible for what you spend and it doesn’t concern me, then I think it is also a dangerous road to take. It goes back to similar arguments as the previous point. It could also be another way of ensuring that each party spends within their own purchasing power, which is not wrong, all of us should spend within what we make. However, if controlling one’s spending is the issue, then it should be tackled together as a couple since the problem of one spouse, is a problem for the marriage as well.
3. We’re saving separately for joint goals
I believe this is just a repeat of the first point. And I feel it is just a cop-out in saying that we don’t want to be accountable to each other in terms of finances. It is all fine and dandy if both parties are responsible enough to save sufficiently, but if one party totally neglects it, I’m pretty sure it will lead to arguments down the road.
4. We don’t have any big reasons to merge our money right now
Agreed that they should not merge their finances until they are married. But what other reasons do they need? I believe for many couples, it is also a way out for them when they consider the possibility of the marriage not working out, then with separate finances, it makes it easier to ‘claim’ back what is supposed to be theirs. I don’t subscribe to such beliefs in the sense that I do not leave a backdoor out of the marriage. Marriage is permanent and for life and if there are issues, my wife and I are determined and fully resolved to work things out. There is no backup plan or alternatives. By combing our finances, it is a clear sign for both of us that we are 100% committed into this relationship and we have burnt all other bridges.
Again, as mentioned earlier, my arguments against the author’s reasoning comes from my perspective of what marriage means, which is probably different for the author and for some of you. Hopefully, this article can help you understand why I’m a strong advocate for combining finances as at the very core, a marriage is a team, and if both parties in the team are not fully committed to each other and to the team as a whole in terms of goals and objectives, then it is hard not to see cracks coming along in the future.